Jimmy Olsen Loves Him Some Jimmy Olsen

I'd like to thank the website Dorkswithoutfaces for their excellent review of Jimmy Olsen comics for pointing something out to me--Jimmy is a narcissist.  I mean, he's completely into himself.  Just look at this panel from "Jimmy Olsen's Forgotten Adventure."  Jimmy is disguised as an elevator operator (something before my time) and gets amnesia, making him think he's someone else.

That first panel probably bugs me the most.  Look at Jimmy's smug face on the poster.  Is he really famous enough to endorse something?  He's only a cub reporter (which is a pretty dumb term), and I guess he's also "Superman's Pal," but do you really want to advertise that?  In several stories, Jimmy gets kidnapped because he's Superman's Pal, which is another issue I have...

Why would crooks want to kidnap someone close to Superman?  It would just piss Superman off, and you do not want the strongest man in the world to be pissed at you.  Also, he's Superman!  He's a hero!  He'll save anyone who's in trouble--it doesn't matter if it's his "Pal" or not!  This is a huge logical flaw.

But back to the comic.  Not only have they gotten Jimmy to advertise the charity for whatever reason, but Amnesia!Jimmy just happens to see it and wish that he were Jimmy Olsen, too.  The guy is so narcissistic that he wants to be himself subconsciously!

There's also the part where he wishes he were Superman's Pal, but I can't blame him.  Every kid wants to hang out with Superman or Batman or something.  But then that brings up the strange aforementioned paradox of "villains want to kidnap you even if that would be a really stupid thing to do."

Jimmy, you're a goldmine of laughs.

Anorexic Jimmy

Again we foray into the Silver Age. This time it's 1955's "Jockey Olsen Rides Star Flash" from Jimmy Olsen #6.  If you thought that Lois had a rocky relationship with Superman, you haven't seen anything yet.  At least Lois had something to gain from her obsession with Superman (crazy, far-out alien sex), but Jimmy was just a pathetic fanboy, "Superman's Pal."  Supes couldn't resist screwing with the kid.  Here's just one of those many occasions:

"Nothing like a hearty lunch, I always say!"  Although this scene doesn't happen in the comic per se, it really sums up the story as a whole.  Superman seems to put all of his jobs on hold (time he could have spent saving people and stuff) to starve Jimmy.

Yeah, Jimmy.  You don't want to be a "hog," do you?  Seriously, look at that lunch!  I know he's supposed to slim down, but really, Superman?  Then again, his afternoon snack is kinda huge, so I can see where Supes is coming from in that case, but still.

Also, according to Perry White, there's no money involved, so what's Superman doing wasting his time on making Jimmy slimmy when he could, once again, be improving the lives of other citizens for real?  In the golden age, Superman exposed corrupt politicians and improved the lives of the impoverished, but here he's just dead-set on helping the Planet with a minor race.

I think that the ice cream guy, Chuck, is my favorite character in the story.  The way he stares at Jimmy in panel four is intense.  Yeah, you eat that ice cream, Jimmy.  You eat it and LIKE IT.  Meanwhile, the writers assure us that Superman is still taking time to save people (thank goodness), but his heart doesn't seem to be in it, as he refuses to make eye contact with the rescued mother and child, and instead uses his heat vision to melt the ice cream.  Woe to anyone who walked in the path between Superman's eyes and the ice cream bar.

But evil Chuck is not done!  When his ice cream plan fails, he tries to sabotage Jimmy yet again!  Oh, Chuck, what are we going to do with you?

Really, Superman?  Really?  Blinders?  Wouldn't it be easier to just eat somewhere privately?  And Jimmy totally goes along with it, too.  I guess he's been publicly humiliated so many times in the past, one more go at it wouldn't hurt.

"Superman, how could you?"  Yep, Supes actually makes him watch.  I know Chuck is supposed to be the villain here, but Superman is really pushing it.  Jimmy's not even safe in his dreams.  To make things worse, Superman was apparently right in starving Jimmy, as he ends up being three pounds overweight!

Sob!  Choke!  Sob-sob!  This looks like a job for Superman!

Yes, the training somehow even get more painful as Jimmy is forced to thrust himself into Superman's legs.  Actually, knowing Jimmy, he might kind of like it.

Yay-yyyyy!  So all ends well.  Chuck presumably gets fired (man, I liked you before, Chuck, but you're an idiot for telling your boss that.  Who in their right mind would make that kind of bet?) and Jimmy ends up looking like Luthor, but gets to pig out.

Also, why would that be their front page headline?  Must have been a really slow news day.

Who's Tricking Who?

I love the Silver Age of comics.  I love it to death.  It's just so much fun!  Seemingly no one has any common sense.  No one acts like a rational person.  In the Superman universe, it comes down to three basic components for the characters:

1. Jimmy Olsen is an idiot.
2. Lois Lane is crazy.
3. Superman is a dick.

Yes, I know, the wonderful Superdickery website has already made the joke, along with half of the Internet, but I just love these comics so much that I'd like to take a crack at it, too.  Heck, this whole blog may become devoted to old Jimmy Olsen and Lois Lane comics.  Time will tell.

To start, we're going to look at the story from 1959's Lois Lane #6 -- "The Amazing Superman Junior."

Isn't Lois a wonderful role model for little girls?  If you can't get what you want, lie about it!

Luckily, Superman is there to bail her ass out of trouble, as always.  And Supes is lucky, too, as Lois apparently stays unconscious long enough for him to talk to Perry White and co. to devise a "clever" ruse, as Superman often did in the silver age in order to teach someone a lesson.  Y'know, instead of helping third-world countries.  With great power comes...wait, wrong comic.

I love all the trouble that Supes goes through to teach a lesson to Lois.  You'd think being blasted into space would be enough of a lesson for her, but this is Lois Lane we're talking about, so...

Superman has a BEARD!  How TERRIBLE!  I personally think it's actually a pretty nice look for the guy, but what do I know?  I also like how Robin disguises himself as "Fred Ashley, someone you've never met!"  It's just unnecessary of him to add the "someone you've never met" bit.  Lois knows she hasn't met him, why is he telling her this?  I know that it's to assure the reader that they haven't missed out on some major character in the chronicles, but it just comes off as sloppy.

One can't help feel sorry for Lois, but the thing is, she's learned the hard way that she shouldn't be so snoopy  tons of times, yet she can never seem to remember.  She's like Stan Smith on American Dad in some aspects.

Sa-ay, looks like a monkey wrench has been thrown into the mix...

He didn't just bake a cake, he SUPER-baked it!  Who's going to eat it all, though?  It's a nice spectacle, but it's far from practical.

Yep, that's right.  A super-serum.  Something that should have been used in an emergency only (like the events of Arkham Asylum or Arkham City, for instance) was used to punk Superman and Perry White.  Then again, people were getting superpowers left and right in the silver age, so I guess this wasn't such a big deal?  And how does Lois force Robin to do all this?

Yep, good ol' fashioned blackmail!  Lois is quite the card.  Why Robin didn't just tear up the paper and then knock her out, I don't know.  Anyway, Lois has a bit of saving grace what with the donation, but still.  I agree with Perry on this one.

Meanwhile, a polar bear teaches a lesson in gun safety.