A Boy Named Charlie Brown - Part Two

Poor Charlie Brown feels that he is nothing but a failure.  Nothing seems to go right for him.  He's lost 99 ballgames in a row, and his ship even sinks in the bathtub.  We've all felt this way, but Charlie probably feels it the hardest.  There's a sweet little scene where he talks to Linus about his problems.

Linus: Winning isn't everything.
Charlie Brown: But losing isn't anything.

The two play tic-tac-toe, and Linus accidentally beats Charlie Brown, making the kid feel even worse about himself.  That's when Snoopy shows up.  Let me say something about Snoopy first.


Snoopy is an asshole.

Don't let the picture fool you.  Don't let Snoopy: The Musical with its sweet songs fool you.  Don't let his relationship with Woodstock fool you.  Snoopy is an asshole.

He has no respect for Charlie Brown or anyone else for that matter.  Although he and Chuck have had a few sweet moments together, Snoopy is a selfish little dog who pretty much only cares about himself.  He doesn't even know Charlie Brown's name--he just refers to him as "that round-headed kid who feeds me."  Just watch Snoopy Come Home.  Yes, there are some sweet and sad moments, but at the end of the day, he's still an asshole.

Don't get me wrong, I like Snoopy a lot.  He's cute and funny, but that doesn't make him any less of an asshole.  I normally wouldn't go on this kind of rant, but I'm sick of all the cutesy Snoopy merchandise and advertising campaigns.  Stop making him seem so sweet!  Read the comic!  He's an asshole!  Embrace it!  I'm pretty sure that's what Mr. Schultz (whom I mean no offense to) intended.  It's just the final straw for Charlie Brown.  Even his dog doesn't respect him.

Charlie Brown makes Snoopy some dinner anyway (cause he's a nice guy despite everything), and Snoopy devours it, then goes to sleep.

That's when the nightmares begin...

Snoopy dreams he's the iconic WWI Flying Ace, presumably fighting the Red Baron.  While the scene only lasts a minute, it feels like an eternity, as we basically see only one image of Snoopy smeared in different colors and shaken around a bit.  The music is pretty great, but the whole thing just feels too long, despite its short length.  It's almost a relief to us when he gets shot down.

Well, not a relief to Snoopy, who barges into Charlie Brown's house and steals the kid's bed, prompting Chuck to wonder aloud why his dog couldn't be normal.

The next scene takes place at...oh no...

GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!

You'd really think he would have learned his lesson.  But no, much like the football of chaos, Charlie Brown never seems to understand that Lucy's psychiatrist booth will end up making him feel worse than before.  And that's exactly what happens.  Lucy painstakingly points out all of Chuck's faults, and then humiliates him with the football.  Finally, in one of the funniest scenes, she makes him watch it in instant replay, just because she can.  Oh, and she bills him for it, of course.

Kids are evil sometimes.